15 Things Primary School Teachers Wish Parents Knew

I spent fifteen years in Hong Kong primary classrooms. I want to be honest with you in a way that is difficult to be at parent evening, with eight minutes on the clock and your child's future feeling very present in the room.

So here it is — not diplomatic, not softened. Fifteen things I genuinely wish more parents knew.

1. Sleep is more important than revision

I cannot say this loudly enough. A child who is well-rested and calm absorbs a lesson better than a child who is tired and crammed. Every time. I have watched children fail tests they understood the material for because they were exhausted. Primary school children need 9–11 hours. Most Hong Kong children I taught were not getting this.

2. We can tell when the homework was done by the parent

The handwriting changes. The level of sophistication jumps suddenly. The explanation of method is adult-phrased. We don't say anything because there's nothing useful to say, but we know. And it harms your child — they don't develop the skills, and they learn that performance matters more than learning.

3. The child who says "my parents think school is boring" is the hardest child to teach

I am not asking you to pretend that every lesson is fascinating. But children take their cues from adults about whether effort is worth making. When parents express scepticism about the curriculum or dismissiveness about schoolwork at home, it shows up in the classroom in very specific ways.

4. Your anxiety about grades is visible to your child, and it affects their performance

I am not a psychologist. But I saw this enough times that I'm confident in saying it: children who perform significantly below their apparent ability are often children carrying the weight of a parent's anxiety about their academic future. They're so afraid of disappointing you that the fear interferes with thinking. Lowering your visible anxiety is one of the most powerful things you can do.

5. Being "friends" with the teacher is not the same as your child doing well

A minority of parents spent considerable energy cultivating a warm personal relationship with me, with gifts and notes and very involved conversation. The children of these parents did not do better on average. Focus on what's happening in the learning, not on the relationship.

6. Your child tells us things

Not secrets. Not private family things (usually). But they tell us how they're feeling, what's happening at home in general terms, whether there's stress. We get a picture. We're not judging — we're concerned. We're using that picture to try to support your child.

7. The question "is my child the best in the class?" is more damaging than you think

Even when asked privately, even when I didn't answer it. Your child has a way of sensing when their worth is being compared to others. And children who are raised with comparison as the benchmark — rather than personal progress — are less resilient when they inevitably encounter something difficult.

8. Arguing with a homework instruction in front of your child undermines something important

See a separate article I've written on this. But briefly: even if you're right, the cost is high. Your child learns that adult authority is negotiable, which sounds liberating but often isn't.

9. Reading together — even in secondary school — is worth more than extra tutoring

I am biased towards maths, but I have seen reading together change children's comprehension, vocabulary, and written expression more reliably than almost any intervention. Fifteen minutes a night. It matters across every subject.

10. Consistent routine at home does more than any specific resource

Children who ate dinner at the same time, started homework at the same time, went to bed at the same time — these children had a stability that showed up in concentration. Not because routine is magic. Because the brain spends less energy anticipating what comes next, and more energy on learning.

11. "He's bored because the work isn't challenging enough" is right less often than parents think

I heard this regularly. When I investigated, genuinely bored-because-too-easy children were a small minority. More often, the apparent boredom was avoidance (the work was actually hard), or emotional distraction (something else was taking up bandwidth), or a need for a different kind of engagement. Worth ruling those out before concluding it's all too easy.

12. The child who is kind and patient in class almost always comes from a home where adults model kindness and patience

I don't know how to make this sound less like an accusation because it isn't meant as one. But the children who were most able to manage frustration, comfort other children, and keep trying when things were difficult — they had parents who demonstrated these things. It really does transfer.

13. Extra tutoring is not always the answer to a bad test result

Sometimes it is. Often what a bad test result means is: this child needs to sleep more, or this child is anxious about something, or this child needs the material explained differently. Adding more hours of instruction to a child who is already overwhelmed tends to produce more overwhelm, not more learning.

14. Asking your child to explain their homework to you — even if you know the answer — is one of the best things you can do

"Show me how to do this" when said genuinely (not as a test, but with curiosity) produces something remarkable: a child who has to organise their thinking enough to explain it. This is more effective study than re-reading notes. It also tells you instantly whether they understand it or have just copied it.

15. Teachers remember children for kindness, curiosity, and persistence — almost never for marks

Fifteen years of children. The ones I remember most clearly are the ones who tried again after getting it wrong, who laughed at themselves, who were genuinely curious about something. I remember almost none of them for their test scores. The qualities that make a child memorable to a teacher are also, it turns out, the qualities that predict a good life. Not the marks.

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None of this is to make parenting feel harder. Most of you are doing a remarkable job. I wrote this because the gap between what teachers see and what parents know tends to make everyone work harder than necessary.

We're on the same side. We always were.